Exhaustion

I never knew why feelings exist in the first place. Why we were not born akin to automatons, only set to do things as we should. And then when we need babies we can just make one from scrap pieces of metal. It would be less taxing that way.

But that's the beauty of being human. You get to feel. You are different from plant and animal in a way because you can express your feelings in ways more than one. Civilized, you might call it. But we do return to our carnal instincts. We were never perfect after all.

It's tiring to cry. Or to arrange your feelings and try to put them to words because hell, they're feelings. They're abstract. They're supposed to be uncontainable, if that was even a word. And swear words and cursing? They are just sorry excuses for intense emotions you have no head or tail of even beginning to explain. So if people swear? They just can't talk well enough about themselves. They feel too much, and that brings us back to wishing we can be robots.

But empty hulks of metal? What was that? That isn't a human; that is a machine. And we are humans because we feel. We are not just hollow beings with brains sitting in our heads. We are human because we have minds to think and process and hearts to feel and understand what the mind sees. And sometimes, these roles can be reversed. And that's not a bad thing.

Even people who stare off into space, seemingly numb. They feel. They feel so much they shut off the rest of the world. They feel that this universe is not enough for the pain or the sadness that they may feel to contain them and their feelings at the same time.

I may just say a lot of stuff to distract me from these tears from completely spilling out but know that every word means something.

This is my way to feel.